literature

Ziva- I'm not alright 3

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Chapter III
              Until everything I hide behind is gone…
McGee looked up from his typing- a noise behind him had distracted him. Turning round he saw Tony standing there frowning.
“What do you reckon is so bad he won’t tell us?”
No funny nickname on the end, McGee registered, this must be serious.
“Gibbs’ll tell us when he’s ready, Tony.” McGee turned back round.
“Sometimes I get sick of waiting for him to be ready.”
“He could be protecting Ziva this time though.”
“What from though? It was just a Mossad case, what’s the big…”
Suddenly understanding flooded Tony’s eyes.
“What?” McGee faced him again.
“He said… Ratib was tortured. And Mossad were involved with him. What if those two things are connected?”
McGee looked slightly annoyed at himself for not having worked it out, but he nodded grimly.
“You know Tony, I think you might actually be right. It would explain all the secrecy... You don’t think she actually did the… the… do you?”
“Well, I don’t know, do I, McStutter.” This alarming revelation was doing strange things to Tony’s emotions, and he didn’t really understand why. It wasn’t as though they hadn’t known she was capable of it, as though they hadn’t known she’d carried it out before. They’d teased her, joked about it, accepted it as what had happened, but now they were faced with physical evidence it somehow seemed so different. As though in a trance Tony picked up the remote for the plasma screen and brought up the autopsy photos of Ratib’s strange injuries. Standing up McGee joined him, and the two stood side by side, staring at the injuries they believed their co-worker had inflicted.
They were still standing there in their stunned reverie when she came up behind them. She watched them, studied what she could see of their faces, breaking as she saw the shock and horror on them. Of course they were disgusted. How could someone do this to another human? Sometimes she wondered the same thing, didn’t understand how she’d been able to inflict such pain, but she knew if it was necessary or she was ordered to, she would still do the same thing now. It was almost an automatic reaction, a default desire to hurt people when she wanted her own way, hammered into her so much that she hadn’t even stopped to think about it until she’d been with NCIS for over a year. Now she could think about it she almost wished she’d stayed a detached fighter- guilt and regrets she had always pushed away before sometimes overwhelmed her, and she felt disgusted at herself, unworthy of the friends she had found here in America. Surely if they knew the truth they wouldn’t love her anymore? She could feel those fears becoming reality as her team realised the extent of her ugly, inhuman actions.
Masochistically deciding to grind the knife into her own chest she broke the stunned silence, causing McGee and Tony to jump.
“Wondering how I did that, McGee?” her tone was light, almost seductive. Of course she was going to pick on McGee, he was easier to intimidate, and besides, she could not yet face breaking her heart by seeing Tony’s repulsion. For now McGee’s rejection would hard enough.
Surprisingly though, McGee did not seem scared. Or as scared as she had thought he would. Tony had leapt round immediately at the sound of her voice but McGee took a deep breath before facing her. “It’s not really relevant to the case, Ziva, and besides, this was a long time ago. I don’t think we need to know.” She could feel Tony’s eyes boring into her face, distracting her from thinking of a reply, but she was too scared to look and see his expression, so she had no idea what he was thinking.  
“You haven’t put this behind you, have you?” Tony’s soft words instantly carved a hole in her, filling her with a painful emptiness as something within her vibrated at the truth of his words. She still had some composure though.
“What is there to put behind me? It was never an issue.” She even managed a tight, fake smile before she turned and walked away.
Hm. I might try and make this one short- i.e. give it a boring plot.. otherwise I find myself writing too much.
And also, if i accidentally write Rabit instead of Ratib please let me know.. I have an annoying tendency to think of him as 'Rabbit'. . .
Oh yeah, lyrics from I'm not alright by sanctus real again.
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FragileReveries's avatar
You don't have to make it short, y'know...
I probably won't notice if you write Rabit, I thought the same at his name u.u

+ you like causing Ziva emotional pain don't you?